You're Right On Schedule

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About a year ago I stumbled across this blog: Maybe God Is Making You Wait Because He Wants You To Learn That There's No Timeline For Anything In Life.

At the time I was really struggling with where I was currently in life and where I thought I ought to be: I had just been tossed to the curb by another undeserving guy, I was struggling trying to figure out how to graduate college a year early, and I was worrying about finances and how to, in the future, support myself... I wasn't even 20 yet...

I thought that my "lack of luck" in relationships meant I was unworthy of love and that I would never have the opportunity to walk down the aisle. I thought that because I couldn't figure out how to speed up my graduation date I wasn't intelligent enough. I thought that because I was 19 and not rolling in dough meant I was lazy and incapable of "adulting".

ABSURD.

Maybe it's because of social media or because of what society thinks, or maybe it's just my own flawed thinking. Something tells me it's all of the above. I know I am not the only person to fear being left behind; to believe I'm in last place and that I'm not accomplishing what I'm supposed to be accomplishing at my age.

For me, I always thought I needed to be graduated and have a lifetime, steady job by the age of 21... Not only that, but that I also needed a diamond ring on my finger and a wedding planned for the near future. I needed to be pregnant by 23 and my first child by 24... My house would be in prestige condition and nothing would ever go wrong because my life is all put together... by the age of 25.

I am 20 years old... I will be graduating with my bachelors at 21, but going back to school for my masters until I'm probably 23. There is no diamond ring on my finger, and because I'm realistic and turn 21 in 6 months, there is a 99.9% chance there will be no diamond ring on my finger then. Which means no wedding is planned for the near future, I will most likely not be pregnant at 23, or a mother by 24. My life will most definitely not be put together in 5 years, and because this is a very imperfect world, it will never be all put together.

But it will be loved.

One of my favorite paragraphs from the blog says this: "Maybe God is trying to teach you that you shouldn't take life too seriously. Maybe the lesson is enjoying life as it is instead of putting deadlines, timelines, and expiration dates. Maybe life is just ageless and timeless and we just have to accept that."

I have a tendency of living my life in one of two places: the past or the future. I am never in the moment living and that is a problem. My past is done and my future is not guaranteed. Why place a May 2021 expiration date on something when I am not guaranteed that day? Why invent a deadline for something when I have no details of how my life will unfold up to that point?

Another paragraph says this: "Maybe God wants you to realize that all these timelines were man-made by people with fixed thoughts and ideas, by people with different circumstances, by people who never even saw you and people who led different lives. Maybe those deadlines don't really represent you because they weren't made for you. Maybe God just wants you to understand that your life will never be perfect and will never go as planed and you just have to try and love it and love Him regardless."

Our lives are so drastically different from each others that the deadlines and expectations we place on ourselves will never fit into the life of someone else. It was like as a child, when they were given a shape game and they had to place the triangle in the triangle slot and the circle in the circle slot. If the child tried placing the triangle in the circle slot, no matter how many times they tried maneuvering that triangle piece into the circle slot, it just would not fit. Only a circle will fit with a circle and only a triangle will fit with a triangle. Just as your life will only fit with your life and the life that someone else leads holds no comparison to your own.

We may want a diploma at 21 and a family at 24, but the reality is that our lives do not move along with a clock. We receive what we do when we're ready for it and we get there when we get there.

Live for right now because there is no promise you'll have a life to live tomorrow.

~xo Kaylee