That's Just Who I Am {& that's enough}

"She's worth whatever chaos she brings to the table, and you know it."

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I over-think. I over-analyze. I over-react. But I also over-care, over-love, and over-help. It's just who I am.

I'll care until my heart stops beating. I'll think about the person you are, the person you'll be. I'll think about the life you used to lead and the life you will lead. I'll wonder if you made it to where you wanted, if you accomplished what you wanted to accomplish. I'll still hope and root for your happiness even amidst my own depression.

I've been lied to (over and over again); I've been left (over and over again); I've been taken advantage of (over and over again); and I've been nothing but another option (over and over again). That's just who you all are.

I fight. I fight for you without going to battle against myself. I love in measures incomparable to anything I'll get back. I care in extremes knowing I'll never be cared for in that same way. Even after seeing friendships die, love end, and hope fade, I still fight, love, and care. It's just who I am.

I somehow still find goodness and worthiness in each person; I find potential. I question how that is all possible after being lied to and left so frequently; How I can still over-care, over-love, and over-help despite constantly being under-cared for, under-loved, and under-helped... I guess it's just who I am.

The amazing part is that who I also am is strong, capable, honest, understanding, unexplainable, indescribable, irreplaceable, and most importantly... worth it.

I know exactly who I am and that terrifies you. I know exactly what I deserve and that offends you. I know every flaw I have and I remain observant of those; I know each strength and how I serve a uniqueness with each. My confidence and worth stays rooted, because there is nothing on this earth powerful enough to uproot me.

Everything I am is not everything you'll find in someone else, and whether or not you realize that in a week or in ten years, I'll still be exactly that. I'll still be strong because my strength comes from Christ, not you. I'll still be capable because my plans are established by The Lord, not you. I'll still be honest and understanding because life's too short to tell lazy lies and be apathetic. I'll still be unexplainable and indescribable because there's more to me than what you're willing to wait for. I'll still be irreplaceable because no matter how hard you search, my DNA will never be that of another.

I know fully what I deserve. I will care and love at the appropriate distance because I will not settle for an undependable, lazy, defeatist love.

It took me awhile to learn how to love myself and someone else; how to care for myself and someone else; how to respect myself and someone else... It took me a while to see what I deserved and what I was worth, but now that I have, I will never settle again... That's just who I am. And that's enough, whether you see it or not.

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"I am not replaceable... And I mean that in the most humble way possible."